I am NOT Megan Fox in the bedroom…

 

There are a lot of moments in life, especially in mine, that require a palm-to-face response. In my later teen years, I read a lot of sweetheart romance novels that defined “sexy time” as easy going and passionate. You never saw any of Nora Robert’s characters epically failing at seduction!

I, however, am not one of Nora Robert’s characters. In fact, I am quite the opposite. If there was an anti-Christ of seduction, it would be me! It just doesn’t happen for me. I cannot count the amount of times that I have had a set scene in my head and the execution of it failed with flying colors.

One of the more memorable moments occurred when I tried to strip tease for my boyfriend at the time…

We had been together for a while at that point and I wanted to bump things up to the next level. I spent the afternoon at the mall carefully finding the perfect outfit…I wanted to look Hot, like Megan Fox hot…

I splurged on a sexy pair of underwear and a matching bra and decided I was going to show up in a cute top and leggings (I spent my budget on the undergarments…college problems).

That night I showed up to his place, movies in hand and wearing what I thought to be an enticing outfit. He happily grabbed the movies, gave me a kiss and plopped down to put the movies in. I sat on the couch hoping he’d notice the cleavage that was slightly peeking out of the top I’d chosen….he glanced over but said nothing.

As the movie progressed I grew impatient and leaned in closer with my chest angled towards him…still nothing. “So I bought something new today,” I said trying to get his attention.

“Did you?” he replied back, turning towards me. I asked him if he wanted to see and slightly confused he nodded. I stood up in front of him and as best as I could slowly peeled off my top.

He was paying attention now.

Encouraged, I looked at him, smiled and put my hands on my leggings and started to shimmy them down. As I pulled them down his eyes became super focused and widened.

He shouldn’t be that excited yet, I thought to myself. But something felt wrong. I was getting way too much air in my downtown regions. I looked down and what I saw took a second to register in my head.

The underwear I had bought was thin so it had rolled down with my leggings, leaving my lower area completely exposed…

Anyone else would have gone with it but no, not me. I panicked. I immediately squeaked in embarrassment and sat down as quickly as I could onto the couch while yanking the leggings back up.

My boyfriend fell to the ground laughing. I was mortified. I was not ready to be so bold in bright lighting. To make matters worse I conked my head against the side of the couch as I rolled to hide my face, which only made him laugh harder.

In the end, the night went successfully but he never let me live it down. Needless to say I never tried to strip tease again, and he certainly never asked. But boy how he loved to bring it up…

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10 thoughts on “I am NOT Megan Fox in the bedroom…

  1. Wow, I would have remembered that all my life if it was me. Laughing would be an understatement but at least it made for an eventful and memorable evening right?

  2. The anti-christ of seduction! We must be sisters, haha. I cannot wait to share the term with my husband this evening. I don’t have one bone of seduction in my body. I strive to be like Christina Aguillara (not sure on spelling) in “Burlesque”, but tend to be more reminiscent of an orangatang performing ballet. Great post! I am a brand new blogger, have only written one post. It is not a funny posting like yours, but maybe being brand new bloggers we could support one another?

    • Thanks Wendy! In college I’ve stared at it a few times, and I hope you take the time to read the other stories I have to share. The next one will be up at the latest by tomorrow evening.

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