I love jeans. They’re my solution to many simple problems. If I don’t want to shave my legs? Jeans. If I want to show off a cute shirt? Jeans. If my uterus is throwing a tantrum because I haven’t fertilized my eggs? Dark jeans.
Regardless of the occasion, jeans tend to be my “go-to” pants choice. That is, of course, so long as they fit…
My weight likes to yo-yo over the year. During the fall and winter, school leads me to stress and lose weight (it’s opposite I know). During the summer, well, I’m at home eating my parents’ food…one does not simply pass up seconds of Italian food! I’d love to say stuffing my face is balanced with equally epic workout plans, but that just doesn’t happen.
And inevitably the morning comes when I go to throw on a pair of jeans and this happens:
- There’s tightness around my thighs as I pull them up.
- My butt takes up the space where I could once put my hands in my back pockets.
- Buttoning them suddenly becomes a yoga exercise and a denial phase…
– “Suck it in!” Stomach sucked in, posture rigid and slightly bending backwards…the extra jump to pull them up…
– “Maybe I’m bloated….” “Have I pooped today? No. They’ll fit after I go.”
The worst part? They do not fit after I go to the bathroom. The struggle is real.
Of course then it comes to having to shop for jeans that will fit my well-fed body. That’s when the self-loathing and inner sobbing begins. It all comes down to the number. I hate that stupid number on the tag. No matter if it makes me look good that number makes me walk out of that dressing room mildly depressed. It’s equivalent to the pain I feel after math tests.
Dealing with that number is a battle I face. I’d love to be a size four or something small like that. My reality though is that I will never achieve that size healthily. I am a proud Hispanic who has the butt and boobs to match the ethnicity. That J-Lo butt just does not fit in a small size.
Guess what? It’s okay. That fact is something I have to remember on a constant basis. It’s okay if I never fit into tiny jeans. I ought to embrace the body I have. I may eat a little bit more than I ought to, but I am beautiful just the way I am.
As I write this post, the new song “Try” by Colbie Caillat is playing. If you haven’t already watched the music video I’d definitely recommend it.
At the end of the day, don’t be afraid to buy a new pair of jeans. Live life to the fullest, enjoy that favorite dish of yours, and don’t be afraid to embrace the body you have. It’s beautiful just the way it is.
Hey if you want some more really awesome blogs to read just check out some of these. They’re really great reads and the bloggers are pretty cool as well:
***Youtube video is Kristin Schrot’s not mine.