They say in life you’ll find that one perfect man that will be there for you, comfort you, and make you feel all gooey on the inside. For me, I’ve found two wonderful men. Now, I’m all for monogamy, but in this case I cannot just pick one. It’s impossible.
Their names are Ben and Jerry. Oh yes, it’s quite a love affair. Their delicious, mildly overpriced pints of ice cream comfort me in times of grief and sorrow.
They are there for me when my uterus screams at me for not fertilizing my eggs. And dear God does it get pissed at me… When the bloating, self-loathing, and illogical urge to break down in fits of sobbing over ASPCA commercials come, Ben and Jerry are there.
When the grades from midterms come back and I question my intelligence as a whole, Ben and Jerry are there. Oh I confess we have had a dirty, raunchy love affair. The late night study sessions, the Friday night Netflix marathon while I pretend I’m not at home and partying instead, yeah….Ben and Jerry were there.
Sometimes, I get really naughty and let’s just say chocolate sauce and whip cream get involved…oh it’s kinky. There is nothing like watching the Notebook with Ben and Jerry. They just let me cry when Ryan Gosling kisses Rachel McAdams…..damn her.
Ben and Jerry are there for me when the other men in my life let me down. Through break-ups, arguments, and the heart ache of being rejected they are there.
Now I will admit… I have strayed in times of sadness… Nutella has been my secret lover. When Ben and Jerry are away…Nutella comes to play.
But alas, I stray from the point… Thank you Ben and Jerry for being there in my times of sorrow, grief, and ravenous food cravings.
No one else can contribute to the delinquency of my abdomen like you do…. I think I love you Ben and Jerry….that is all.