When did kindness in men become surprising?

I like men. I really do. They’re great at cuddling and making me smile and all that cheesy-gooey stuff.

However, in college it’s become a norm for men to approach me for nothing more than “a good time” or a relationship with no titles…and that bothers me.

Of course, I didn’t realize it bothered me until I met someone who was different. It’s making me rethink my choice in men…

For story’s sake, we’ll call him Chris. I can’t say I’ve had an epiphany and fallen for the guy, we only met a few days ago. In fact, I don’t find him physically attractive. He’s good looking, but not my usual type. However, I met him when I went out dancing the other day.

It wasn’t any grand moment, he just asked me to dance and I accepted. He was actually not the best at two-stepping, but he was trying and it was funny. We started talking and immediately hit it off. It probably didn’t help that we started talking about Lord of the Rings (my favorite trilogy) and nerding out about it.

It was wonderful.

We ended up dancing the whole time and it was great. I hadn’t really ever had the opportunity to put all of my personality out there at once and have it just accepted. It was nice. I know that sounds really corny, but hey, it’s true.

I am taken with him not because of his looks, but rather his intelligence. We hung out again today with friends and we just talked for two hours. It felt like minutes. He has a certain charisma that is very interesting and alluring.

Men, just know, intelligence and a great personality is very attractive.

Now granted, the idea of dating him is a little “eh” at the moment. I just know I like being around him and he surprised me with his genuine character. He was talking and flirting and instead of saying something dirty or “seductive”, he simply asked if he could take me to dinner…

Why did I find this so surprising…

When did it become commonplace in college for courting to be obsolete and wild hookups or easy relationships to become a thing? It sucks.

Don’t get me wrong, I like a little wildness in my life, but that idea of courtship and friendship first was something I had almost believed was a girlish fantasy.

To find it in someone, regardless if he ends up just as a close friend or something more, is so incredibly refreshing.

So to the men out there, particularly the college men, don’t be afraid to woo a women with kindness. It’s one of the best feelings to be immediately respected without having to say that.

Boundaries are nice and personally, I think it’s much more attractive to have a man flirt and say he wants to take me to dinner than say he wants to seduce me or something of that nature.

Now I’m not saying these men are rare, but women, we have to encourage them not to be the jerkish buttmunches that are breaking our hearts!

To all the nice guys, don’t give that up. There are those of us who really like that.

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8 thoughts on “When did kindness in men become surprising?

  1. I completely understand that frustration! It’s crazy how weird we have gotten to think that a man being decently flirty is something to be in awe of.
    That’s how the norm should be.
    And I also agree on that encouragement bit, I feel like more young men are turning into jerks because they think that that’s what working.

  2. I find myself questioning intentions and 9/10 if I ever come to a conclusion about a guy I’m usually right. Then there are those who’s intentions were genuine and years down the line I realise it -_-

    • It’s a tricky thing. Dating is great, but it seems like there are so many men that play the game or at least seem to be, and it sucks because when we find a genuine guy we expect him to be false.

  3. He sounds like a cool guy. With him or not, lasting relationships are built on a strong foundation–grown from a single seed of friendship! I think those that are genuinely interested will make an effort….even though guys should in general show manners and respect. But yes, I think guys should be encouraged to stop thinking that the nice guys finish last lol

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