How to stop a mental breakdown

Step one: you don’t. The ebb and flow of emotions sometimes just need to happen. I wish I knew how to fix it. I wish I could look at myself in the mirror and just go: “Hey look, you’ve got your life together!”

Unfortunately, I don’t. In fact, I don’t even have today together. I’m looking at being broke for the next two weeks, my love life is not what I want, I live in a shitty basement in a house full of boys. I may or may not have mice in my room, and I’m currently writing with snot pouring out of my nose (awesome visual, I know) while I quietly sob hysterically.

In a way I know it has to look comical from the outside. Here is a semi-successful twenty-something year old who is complaining about stuff that truly does not matter. I have it easy. I know I do.

It’s hard to look past my current moment and get past the woe-is-me part. I want someone to hug me. I want my parents to help me out. Heck, I want my dog to become potty trained, but I also know that he’s a product of my own doing.

So what do I do? I write. I write so I can gain some semblance of sanity and refocus my energy into something else. I think mental breakdowns are your body’s way of saying, “Deal with the stuff in the box you’ve shoved to the back of your brain!!!”

It doesn’t help when you just mentally catalogue issues away to deal with later. If you’re like me, you just end up snot-bubbling (a phrase so eloquently used by my father) while watching the recap of a Grey’s Anatomy episode.

It sometimes helps to talk aloud and name five positive things in your life. It can help, though candidly it doesn’t always work for me.

Step two: Once you’ve calmed down enough to at least stop crying, focus on the next thing you have to do for the day. You can’t focus on all your problems at once, sometimes you just have to go one step at a time..

I don’t know if it’s like this for everyone. I know that this helps me to breathe. Writing helps me to remember myself. It helps me to stop crying. At least as long as my fingers keep moving.

Living life is hard. Being a twenty-something year old trying to balance all aspects of life can be really hard. It’s okay… I think. I think it’s okay to cry. I think it’s okay to be upset that your parents won’t help. I think it’s okay to feel utterly alone even when you know that you’ve got a lot of people willing to be there for you.

Try to breathe and stay calm for the next ten seconds. According to the wise words of Kimmy Schmidt, “You can do anything for ten seconds.”

I don’t even know if all of this makes sense, but at least I know I can breathe for the next ten seconds…

One thousand one… one thousand two….

Fight for Parkinson’s 

Hey guys, 

I don’t often make a giant call out to my fellow bloggers, but I’m asking you human to human to do me a favor. I read so many of the posts that pop up on my feed and I am humbled by the human connection and willingness to share with a community. 

I am a volunteer boxing coach for Parkinson’s patients. One of my boxers entered our little program into a competition to win $6000. This money would go to funding new equipment for our boxers to exercise with and covering monthly costs for those who couldn’t afford it. 

Why should you care? 

Our program, because it is an exercise program, is not funded by any national Parkinson’s foundations. We as boxing coaches do not take any money for ourself and have dedicated our time to helping our boxers fight against a disease that currently has no cure. 

How to help

All it takes is one vote per email address for Rock Steady Boxing Brownsburg. If you could vote every day up until March 31st, I would be eternally grateful to my WordPress community. 

Here’s the link: 

Vote for Rock Steady Brownsburg

Hope for Parksinson’s

  I usually use my blog post to share about things in my life that have happened to me. I talk about the good things, the bad things, and the things that just make me laugh. Today, however, I want to talk about a program that is near and dear to me.

I am a coach for a boxing program for Parkinson’s patients. No, they don’t beat each other up as a workout. We do, however, teach them boxing style workout techniques that help to keep their symptoms at bay. As the rebels of the Parkinson’s community, I get to see a hard-working group of people fight back against a disease that currently has no cure.

Our little affiliate program hosts a group of 46 boxers currently that can best be described as my family members. No boxer is just a boxer to me. 

It has be the best volunteer job I’ve ever had. We don’t get paid for what we do and the money we earn goes directly back into equipment costs and member fees for those that can’t afford it. 

One of our boxers had the idea to enter us in a competition to win $6000 towards our program. It’s a program where you vote once a day per email account. If you could please vote for Rock Steady Boxing I would be deeply indebted to my blogging community. All it takes is sharing this post and voting once a day to help us win.

The money would be used to fund a larger gym and better equipment for the boxing program. Wraps, gloves, and speedbags are all things we could use more of. 

Help my program fight back against Parkinson’s and keep it running. Please vote for Rock Steady Boxing Brownsburg

Holiday blues 

Can I just start off with saying that emotions stink? Christmas is the best time of the year. The treats, the family time, the treats, the snow, and did I mention the treats?….I love it all. However, this year feels bittersweet to me. 

This is my first full set of holidays that I get to spend with my dad and this side of my family. I love it all. It’s a completely different atmosphere from how I grew up with my mother and it’s incredibly refreshing. But as the holidays approach I can’t help feeling a little forlorn. I miss my mom. It’s been two years since I’ve seen her. 

We had a falling out about a year and a half ago and it hasn’t been the same since. There is the part of me that understands that she needs help and that she is toxic to my well-being, but I miss her. I hate that I do, but it’s hard to know that things aren’t better between us and that she isn’t taking steps to fix our relationship. Granted, neither of us are willing to give in to the other and I’ve had to make the decision to distance myself from her issues since I can’t fix them. 

Does that make me a bad daughter? We went from being very close to rarely talking. I want nothing more than to get to a healthy point with her, but she’s got several problems with lying that create a toxic environment for me to be around. 

There isn’t any point to this post other than to vent and ramble about the small downside of the holiday season. 

Right now I’m listening to the country Christmas station watching my mom(stepmom) put up decorations with my brother and sister. I love this house, I love this family, and I love how close we all are. I just wish my mom and I were in a better place. 

Perspective: Goodbye Bailey

 Yesterday Heaven got a new dog. My dog, Bailey. That was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

She was given lots of treats yesterday. There were dog cannolis, squirrel shaped cookies, and dog bones given to her throughout the day. She got her belly rubbed and behind her ears scratched. The collar was taken off and Bailey got scratched where we usually couldn’t reach underneath her collar. She even got to lay on the couch (something she wasn’t normally allowed to do). She looked up at us, tail wagging and tongue hanging from the side. The tumor enveloping her lower jaw and pushing out her teeth was painfully obvious. I knew that it had to be done.

Each family member got to whisper sweet things to her and love on her. Our other dog, Striker, napped by her side and wherever she went he followed. When 5 p.m. came along my mom and I piled into the truck with my grandpa and Bailey. My little sister scream cried as she left the house, unable to deal with the fact that Bailey had to go.

As we left the house, the concept of what was happening became real for me. God I wanted to cry. My baby had cancer, but she was still happy. She could still eat treats in the back of her mouth, but I knew that if we didn’t do something about it she’d get so much worse.

When we went got into the vet they already had a room ready for her. There was a flower-print blanket on the floor for us to sit with her. The vet came in. Bailey wouldn’t let him stick a needle in her paw so we all had to hold her down as he sedated her in the rear. She yelped and whined. I cried. I stood up and gave her a couple of treats from the jar on the counter. She happily accepted them before she began to shake and lose her balance.

My mom and I laid her on her side and whispered sweet words to her as she slept. The vet put the catheter in and injected the medication. I was beginning to shake and bawl at this point. She stiffened in her sleep and then relaxed. The vet warned us that she might twitch after she had passed as the sedative and the other medication reacted in her that way.

He leaned over after a moment or two and spoke the words that broke my heart: “She’s gone.”

I leaned down to kiss her head and hold her paw. She gasped. I couldn’t control my tears as my mom and the vet rapidly assured me that she was dead and it was an involuntary reaction. It happened two more times and I lost a little bit of myself each time. Then she stilled.

The odd thing about dogs when they die is that their eyes don’t close. I cried and held my dog. I couldn’t comprehend that the sweet pup that had pulled me out of my depression before and was the reason for so many decisions was gone. I petted her body, telling her how much I loved her, and trying to remind myself that we did the right thing.

My dog was gone. I felt the heat begin to fade from her body and we left. I cried in the back seat on the way home. I went outside with the whiskey and honored her in the oldest tradition I’d heard of. I poured a shot whispering, “Hail the victorious dead” and poured in the grass.

I poured a shot for myself and tried to take it. I threw it back up immediately and cried (I can’t take shots of whiskey). I wiped my tears quickly knowing my family was waiting for me back in the kitchen. I went back in and poured myself a drink.

Goodbye my sweet Bailey. You will forever be missed. You were the first big dog I ever had and one of the reasons I fought to have a relationship with my dad. You were my cuddle buddy during thunderstorms and the first face I saw when I woke up and opened my door each morning. You were the protector of my siblings when they were babies and you were my teddy bear when life got me down. You were my walking buddy, my hiking companion, and my four legged vacuum when I spilled food. You ate everything you saw, albeit cigars, pizza, medication, and yet you always managed to survive. You made me so angry yet you were the sunshine of my life and had the key to my heart. You got sick with mouth cancer and it spread to your brain. I didn’t want you to hurt anymore and I didn’t want you to suffer worse than you already were. I love you, I love you, I love you. You were my Bailey bug, my Bailey girl.

Goodbye sweet girl. You will not be forgotten.

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One Lovely Blog Award and the Very Inspiring Blog Award

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Well, all I have to say is wow. When I first started off blogging a couple of months ago I had no idea how it would turn out. The feedback since then has been very encouraging and I have loved being a part of the WordPress community. Everyone has been supportive.

I have been recently nominated by Maria9saif for the “One Lovely Blog Award” and nominated for the “Very Inspiring Blog Award” by Roservs.

At the time of Roservs’ nomination I had no idea what to do, so I never passed the award on. I thought it was literally a nomination, not the actually winning… whoops!

Let me first thank Maria9saif for the Lovely Blog Award. She is an incredibly talented blogger and artist herself, so for her to notice my blog and consider it worthy of an award is both flattering and honoring. She has been very active in reading my blog and has been an overall kind individual to me. Thank you for that Maria!

Secondly, let me thank Roservs for the Very Inspiring Blog Award. She is a very talented and spunky blogger. I love her style and anyone who wants to read an inspiring cool blog ought to read hers. I feel bad for just now getting around to posting this award, but I was novice and naïve and had no idea how to do this! She is a kind individual aside from her blog and was very influential within my first few posts of my blog. Thank you Roservs!

Here are the rules for both blogs. They are identical, so those who I’ve picked can either separate each award or put them together as I have.

  1. Thank and link to the amazing person who nominated you
  2. List the rules and display the award.
  3. Share seven facts about yourself.
  4. Nominate 15 other amazing blogs and comment on their posts to let them know they have been nominated.
  5. Proudly display the award logo on your blog and follow the blogger who nominated you.

Here are my seven facts:

  1. I am a nerd. Plain and simple. I love Sherlock Holmes, Big Bang Theory, Supernatural, Tolkien, Dresden Files, Game of Thrones, and Marvel fan. I love them all. My dream is to go to San Diego Comicon one day.
  2. I use my little siblings as an excuse as to why I watch so many Disney movies…I really just love them.
  3. I am a huge football fan. I love it! I’m that fan that can’t talk for days after the game because I screamed too much.
  4. I have an addiction to coffee. Not that I drink too much, but I love finding local coffee shops and trying what they have.
  5. I have an addiction to Thin Mints. I will literally avoid the grocery store during normal hours just to avoid the Girl Scouts and their Thin Mints. I’m a college student. I can’t afford those evil cookies…
  6. I love to be outdoors. I always feel like I’m on a treasure hunt when I’m hiking on a trail.
  7. In elementary school I stopped being friends with another girl because we both wanted to be the first woman president. I had such high aspirations…now I’m a journalism major.

Here are my 15 nominations for both awards. I truly believe each blog deserves both awards:

  1. New3Creation Writing
  2. 3 Smiles a Day
  3. Pretty Little Things
  4. Bmyshot
  5. Yousra
  6. Mara Eastern
  7. Indefinitelys
  8. Went Looking
  9. Yellow Intersection
  10. Green Embers
  11. Be Young and Shut Up
  12. Grad World/Real World
  13. Color is Law
  14. Felicia Kimmel
  15. Calliopes Lyre

 

There are so many more talented bloggers that I love to read. Every blogger deserves an award because of their bravery to write and share their stories and thoughts with others. Thank you to the two bloggers who recognized the potential in my blog. I am truly grateful.

Kids really do say the funniest things

As the big sister of a little brother and sister, both under the age of 6, I hear the most amusing things when I visit home. In light of a few things I’ve heard lately, I just had to share!

So my brother likes to get into things, he rambunctious and energetic. Here are things I’ve heard yelled to him:

Mom: “Do not put your foot in the bongo! You’ll get it stuck!”
(So of course he does it and gets his foot stuck)
Brother cries: “Mom!!! My foot’s stuck!”

Mom: “Dude! Pull your pants up! We do not do Magic Mike dancing!”
(Brother wiggles his booty at her)

And then of course there’s my little sister…

Sister: “Mom, my penis hurts..”
Mom: “Honey you don’t have a penis, you have a vagina.”

I’m sure there are moments to come as I hang out with them more, but it was just a little tid bit that cracked me up.

Kids are funny. And I can honestly say I don’t want any for a while…hahaha!